why, Why, WHY do I even bother anymore.
This has apparently become the sickening theme of my life lately. Running has failed me. I have failed me. Whatever friendships and relationships I have - yep, they've pretty much failed me too; through utter failure of communication, even though I try to be as transparent as humanly fucking possible.
...
....
I'm done.
...
With all of it.
...Goodbye?
I think I need to reevaluate again. I think I'm trying to take on way too much, far too soon again. Life was happy for that brief moment and then suddenly here I am in the midst of ruins again. I want to scrap all of it - the marathons, the ironman, the races, the weekends - all of it, burn it all down and rebuild again. Otherwise, I'm going to keep compromising and revising and bending and succombing and that is definitely not working for me, because again, I'm being totally used and run down and worn out and losing the race. Again.
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