Things.

The only thing that is keeping me breathing right now is this list of ten things I want to say to ten different people in my life right now, in no particular order:

1. Why do you do this to yourself?  Just stop it.  It's not worth it.
2. Come home.  Please.  I miss you more than you will ever know and just want to hug you.
3. You are a judgemental narcissist and I'm glad you live very far away.
4. What the fuck happened and how are you suddenly the wise one?  I'm laughing, but I'm envious of your wisdom and ability to not compromise ever.
5. I'm glad that you called me even though we haven't talked in months.  That was hard, but maybe we can finally end this hurtful cycle.
6. You are icy and make me feel isolated and alone and fill me with distrust.
7. Go well.  I loved you for your generosity and tenacity and ridiculously big heart.
8. The hurt that you have caused me runs sickenly deep, and the scars that you've given me haven't faded after all these years.
9. There's part of me that is scared you're going to hurt me, even though you claim to have my back and are a seemingly trustworthy comrade. 
10. You are a taker and I've given up on our friendship. 

Cryptic, perhaps.  But maybe the best way out of rock bottom is to actually say these words to these people to stop feeling so lost and to start living again.