Want.

I have been ruminating on this concept involving personal passions and self-betterment lately, as a person who is chronically self-aware, almost to fault.  It's interesting to think that when someone is truly passionate and in-love with something, that that something becomes whittled down into this simplistic form and everything just gets...easier?  It's a strange dichotomy, especially in today's world where everything is over thought, overacted, overly stimulated, overdone.  It's almost as if the more we push the envelope with trying to love something, the more intensified the connection and relationship with that something becomes, until one of the sides of attraction chooses to break and the connection shatters because neither side was really that into it in the first place.  It's like one of those contests that we used to play as kids where we try to make the other person laugh first, or one of those staring contests where you try not to blink.  Sooner or later one side caves and it's all over.  However, when both sides choose to be honest and both truly want that connection, things just take off and become easier, simpler, kinder, effortless. 

I think that's where I am with running currently.  I am so intensely in love with running that my relationship with it is just getting easier, although I'm running the highest number of miles I've ever ran in my life.  I just make time for it, and greatly look forward to it and I'm not compromising.  It's not complicated and doesn't require a big explanation or fanfare; it's just simple.  It just is. 

Why can't everything be like this?  This is with what I'm currently struggling.  I want a relationship with someone to be as simple as running, yet intensely loving.  I want the same satisfaction that I get from running with everything and everyone in my life.  It's tough being single, and I'm trying to remind myself that sometimes we as single people just need to run wild and untamed and run fiercely and intensely passionate with our lives until someone falls into stride with us, and we run together towards the finish.  I'm really hoping that I find that someone and don't continue to run alone metaphorically.  However, then there's that other part where we as single people continue to work hard and get better at being ourselves because we are alone, and then others fail to keep up, or don't even try in the first place.  With enough speed work and fine tuning, we get faster, better, stronger and then start coming in first place with others struggling to keep up, or not even wanting to enter that race because of intimidation.  I'm not sure if that means that I'll be alone forever or will eventually find someone to outpace me, but it's a strange and slightly disturbing concept in and of itself.

I'm sick of running alone but I'm not compromising.  I'm committed to finishing this race the right way, although I want to do it not alone, but there's no one else with a properly registered race bib.  As a single person, I feel like the lone bibbed runner running in this sea of unmarked bandits; unlabeled relationships, not wanting to commit to the race, but there for the resources.  Surely, I cannot be the only one who feels this way and is running the right way.