Simple.

Ebony and mahogany is the harbor and I am running into nowhere, running into nothing, but running, running, running, wind grating on my face and rain drops pretending to be tears, streaming down my cheeks, but exposed as impostors by my happy blood pumping beneath  my pale skin.  Murky, misty, stormy, visibility limited to only a few feet in front of me, otherwise, I am running clearly into thin, tinted air. 

It's the point in the race right now, where that initial noise becomes quiet.  It's the point in the race where after the melodramatic gun fires, the races starts, nerves on edge, fighting, fighting, fighting to find a place, a space to exist and operate in the utter chaos.  Then quiet.

It's THAT breath. That quiet.  That silence  Then nothing but methodical movement.  Then settling into a pace.  Then simplicity.  Then calm.  Then comfortable calm, comfortable quiet.  Smiles, satisfaction, stimulus, steadfastness, spine,  smooth, soothing.

Serenity? 

I don't quite know how it's happened, but it's happened.  Through the absolute nothing of this run, the forward movement into what could be the edge of the world for all I know, I suddenly understood what this part of life is right now.  It's serenity.  The initial tumultuous series of fits and starts and pushes and shoves has settled into a strong, steady pace.  I'm running the race and I'm running that middle section where I'm focused, I'm driven, I'm uncompromising and I know what I want and I'm happy and energized that I'm here.  No race is perfect, but it's working right now, and I'm present and participating rather than fighting or going through the motions. 

It's so simple.  Serenity, simplicity, and an open heart.  I just feel so ready.

In three days I run my 14th marathon.  Who will I be during this race?  I'm going to be open, honest, loving, hopeful and serene.  I'm going to run with my heart as I always do, and I'm going to run strong and happy as I always will be.  My heart will be on my sleeve and I'm not going to be running, I'm going to be dancing.  And that's me.