Pang.

There are three things in life that rank on my 13th level-of-hell scale and one of those things is bridal showers.  However, due to attempting to be a good friend, I attended one today in hopes that karma will eventually work in my favor.  While downing mimosas, faking enthusiasm for domestic items, and generally feeling a small stab of awful for being over the age of 30 and single, I made a very small realization, that while running later, became a subject of rumination.

Am I really happy? 

Actually, I really am. 

Sure, it's not me who will be donning that white dress in the next few weeks, but I am happy with what I have.  However, after exploring this a little more, I couldn't help but feel a very, very small empty pang.  Oddly enough, this pang has nothing to do with being solo and unpaired.  This small pang though, has to do with running.  Running has truly helped me get through, over, under and around some horrific life situations.  It's helped me heal in both heart and mind.  It's physically broken me down from the inside out and then made me whole again.  It's a celebration to me.  It's made me wholesome again.  It's made me a better person, and I wish I could articulate just how much it has brought to my life and enhanced my life.  Without running, I don't know who I would be, and perhaps this small pang was realizing that I simply do not give running the respect that I feel it deserves within my life.  Things are crazy, and this small pang made me realize that it's my job that is to blame.  It really has been the source of the majority of my stress.  Although I've worked extremely hard for my job and love what I do, I simply wish that I could do something that involved running.  Running just makes sense to me, and will never be work because I love it too much and enjoy running happy.  Do I work happy?  Not all the time, but I try.  However, why exactly should I compromise? 

I need to think more about this.  How exactly could I take this passion and infuse it as life support? 

I'm sketching in charcoal.  I want this to be acrylic, but I'm still shopping for samples.  Primer though.