Void.

What a strange void this is, really.

The year is not over, yet goals have been accomplished, but I'm not ready to dive fully into training for next year.  I've scaled back on mileage and have been piling on small races instead.  It's fun, but it's also slightly fleeting; feelings of floundering, but definitely not flustered.

My goal for 2011 was to do six marathons and a half ironman. 

Instead, in the past 11 months, I've managed the following:

• 8 marathons
• The half ironman
• A few sprint triathlons
• Total smattering of smaller races (one goal for the new year will be to actually keep track of these)
• Joined a running club and subsequently met a ton of new running friends
• Marathon PR of 3:46.
• Paced my best friend through an ultramarathon, was there to see her PR in another ultramarathon
• Ran over 2,300 miles for the year and still going
• Managed to train at 80 miles a week for more than half the year
• Ran a 5k with a sub-7 minute/mile pace
• Consistently race 6 mile and shorter races at a sub 7:30 minute/mile pace
• Won several races, including a 3.6 mile race last weekend
• Pulled a hamstring, bounced back quickly
• Placed in my age group in a few marathons, took home plaques, trophies, money and pies
• Adopted the Hot Rod, my ass-kicking triathlon bike after getting hit by a car and totaling my road bike
• Realized parts of me that I never knew existed through running
• Destroyed 9 pairs of sneakers
• Spent more money than I would ever care to tabulate on race fees.
• Mentor coached a middle school team

That, is a very full year. 

There is one item on that list though, that sticks out to me, and is the one item that I cannot seem to get out of my head during this holiday void.  I will let you figure out which one it is, but to me it's painfully obvious. 

This one thing, seems to be existing in charcoal right now.  It's present and on paper, but I want it to become something more permanent, something bigger than it is, something even more meaningful, and most of all, a means of expression, rather than a simple sketch able to be smudged.  This one thing has been plaguing me lately, I feel almost badly for it, because it's made me realize how big of a part that running plays in my life.  As easy it is to admit this, it saddens me because I feel I don't give it the metaphoric space on the shelf of medals that lines my living room wall; the respect it deserves. 

This one thing makes me want to do something with running that is more than simply running.  I want to somehow share this metaphor it's become with the world, to somehow help others realize the deep, important and BIG things that I've realized in this tumultuous swirl of a year, to allow them to embrace facets of their souls that they did not initially realize as evident until the shoes were on and the treads were moving. 

This void that is gracing my life right now is causing me to consider the other moving parts and how running can be included to change the machine.  It's important, it's positive, but it's still underdeveloped and in the workshop.

I agreed this weekend that I would get to the new year healthy and rested.  I'm going to include clarity and direction with these goals, for running's sake.