Goals.

2010 found me starved, beaten, broken, patched, propped, rebuilt, resurrected and then finally strong once again.  It took me an entire year to reevaluate...well, everything.  Then the dust settled and I was feeling whole and letting life just run itself which felt...nice?  *Breathe*.  Sometimes I have to remind myself to do that.  Silly, yes.  

Then something snapped, but in a good way.  Something snapped like it was -March-.  There's always been something about March and me snapping.  I never really make New Year's Resolutions, but my March!Snap! is inevitable.  It's happened time and time again, and honestly, I've stopped even trying to fight it over the years and tend to just go with it.  As alluded, this year's goal is to do six (6) marathons and my first Half Ironman.  Yes, this may seem like a daunting goal to many, but last year I did two sprint triathlons (my first!) and four Sub-4 hour marathons, so in my mind, it's just simply upping the ante. 

So what gives?  What snapped?

Prior to my first BlueSkyRunning day which caused me to snap yesterday (this March has been exceptionally snappy - I blame Snowmageddon), two weeks ago I found myself parking my car several blocks away in the pitch black evening, home late from work; far too late for a Wednesday, far too sad for a blond.  A sausage of responsibility, I trudged down the sidewalk, laptop slung over one shoulder and my giant purse slung over the other.  My hands were a juggling showdown between keys, used tupperware, mail and other paraphernalia in some tattered-edge plastic shopping bag with a migrant receipt from previous errands.  I clambered my steps and in the midst of unlocking the door everything suddenly decided to vomit itself all over the sidewalk.  In my fumbling I managed to drop the whole lot and rather than being calm and collected, collecting, screamed.  I screamed!  I screamed and it was shocking; I was suddenly a previous mute and had never heard my own voice.  My chest heaved.  My breath hung in the indigo air.  Gasp.  Pause. Gasp.  I scrambled and gathered and bundled myself inside quickly: ohmygoodnesshopefullytheneighborsdidntseethatuggggh.  Once in the house the door slammed and I paused in the silence:  home.  Breathe.  And then the mundane caused me to come back - there *has* to be something more than this!  I'm not built for a life like this!

Then my mind wandered back to some goals that have been crockpotting themselves in my mind during runs for quite some time.  Goals of which I used to just chalk up to crazyrunthoughtsdotcom, but suddenly they lashed out and became realizations and that's important.  A wise person (hell, I'll admit it, one of my _heros_) once said that making three goals is most effective - and this philosophy has never steered me astray: an easy one, a more challenging but achievable one, and one that's a total stretch goal.  I'll let you be the judge of which is which, as they are in no particular order.

The Goals.
GOAL:  To be the healthiest I can be

• Quit filling my body with poison that doesn't agree.  Quit consuming chemicals.  I have come to the realization that I'm different than most people and cannot tolerate medications, artificial sweeteners, dyes, sugars, sugar alcohols, iodine, other random crap that the general population is perfectly fine to which to be exposed.  They all turn me into a raving lunatic or hospitalized.  Not a good time.
• Continue following the Paleo Diet  Or at least....try.  I've been Paleo for 3 months and it's infuriating, but at the same time I feel better on it, and my wonky stomach seems to agree.
• Get down to 130 pounds which is my racing weight.  I'm 144 right now.  Oof.
• Stop worrying.  This is a tough one. 
• To get myself into the best physical shape I can get into to support the level of training at which I choose to operate.

GOAL:  To kick ass

• I want - WANT - to make it on  Team Psycho.  Sure, this sounds silly, but dear gawd, I WANT it.  And then the rational part of me kicks in:  to do this I need to start by doing my Half Ironman as "grooming" and start winning some age group races at the very, very least.
• Win some age group races!  I've signed up for a number of smaller events and this is entirely possible.  I know that I'm more than capable of doing this now, I just need to work at it and stop goofing around. See:  Racing weight. See:  Stop goofing off.
• Speedwork, speedwork, speedwork.
• I want to do a full Ironman next year as well as the Harpoon B2B 150 mile bike ride.  This year will be my set-up year for base building as I've just been hanging around doing nothing but running for the past 16 years.  FLUNKIE.
• This year's small/immediate goal:  6 marathons, 1 Half Ironman.  At least.
• Non-goals but events that I'm doing that are worth noting:  My first ultramarathon, 8 5ks, 4 half marathons, 2 sprint triathlons and assorted 4.2 mile summer race series I'm registered for sprinkled in the mix. 

GOAL:  To get promoted at work

• This blog is going to be training-focused, however, 70% of my identity is work.  It's big.  I've worked so hard and so long to get to where I am now as a Clinical Scientist.  I want to grow and thrive and get to the next level. 
• There's a lot more to say, but I'm going to keep mum and carry on about this one. 

So...welcome to my training blog, and by "Training" I mean more than just physically working out, with which I think my goals illustrate and I'm certain you could deduce.  However, I'm looking to achieve all of this with help from my old friend Running and my new friend Triathlon and I don't think they would let me down.  There's going to be a lot of challenges and demons and catharsis and bleeding and loving and happiness and frustration on this blog.  I wish I could predict how it goes, but I can't and that's the beauty of a life that is well-lived.  Look at my wounds and my scars - nothing is spared.  Happy reading.