Rebooted.

While on the phone with a friend who lives quite some distance away last night, I was explaining how this past week and weekend I was a bad runner because I just let life emotionally take the reins and therefore physically crashed and burned.  He told me that I'm not a bad runner, I was simply rebooting and there's nothing wrong with that.  I think he's right.  In between being dusted off by pretty much everyone who is important to me this past weekend, laughing really hard, loving rather fiercely, cooking way too much food, staying up entirely too late, sleeping really well and essentially forgetting all about the emotional trauma of last week, I also did some quality, positive thinking.  I should be feeling much more tired on a Monday morning than I am feeling, but am oddly refreshed.  I do feel rebooted, recharged; and the best part is that it was all completely unplanned and unscripted.

I also came to the realization this past weekend that while I'm working on bettering myself in the arenas of health, wealth and running, I think I'm neglecting to include a very critical piece of self enlightenment within these goals:  happiness.  I have so much for which to be thankful and happy, and I tend to pride myself on being a fatal optimist and enjoy being generally enthused with life.  However, in thinking about training, I think I need to keep this in mind; I think that a lot of amateurs make the mistake of not including the emotional needs and happiness quotient that training demands.  While I do not consider myself an expert or even a few steps beyond "amateur" by any means, I do think that this was an important realization.  Where endurance sport requires such mental tenacity this makes perfect sense to me - emotional wellness needs to be included in a training plan in some capacity.  Even Joe Friel mentions that endurance athletes should 'Think like a bumblebee but train like a racehorse'; or, in human-speak, believe I can and race because I can due to training.  This alludes to a spectrum of athlete-thinking; the bumblebee on one end and the racehorse on the other.  What I find interesting is that the running-friends in my life truly do exemplify this spectrum.  I had the pleasure of spending time with some of them over the course of the last several days which only further solidified the importance of this realization. 

Most of my running-friends are neither racehorses nor bumblebees, but fall somewhere in the middle of the spectrum.  I spent time with a close friend of 13 years this past weekend who did his first marathon two years ago and then decided that the half marathon distance is his preference.  Running to him is a positive force, although not a necessity.  It makes him happy, he wants to keep working at it, but it's not a mandatory part of the daily life routine.  I think running to him is more like grocery shopping - one does it when it needs to be done, but not necessarily every day or in excess.  It's important for good health, but this can also be accomplished via other means.  We are however, taking a road trip and running our first race together despite having been friends since the late 90s in a few weeks and we are both looking to running as a great excuse for long overdue friend-time.  I think although in the middle, he leans more towards the racehorse side of the spectrum.  His running is a means to an end - a vehicle for re-kindling a friendship or to keep himself in proper shape while going through the stresses of his doctorate.

Another running-friend, is training for her first marathon and falls into the undecided-about-the-distance-camp, but I think is more of a bumblebee.  She's been a long time runner and is a charity runner.  In spending time with her this weekend, I think that she runs as a symbol of her love of helping people through charity.  Running is definitely still work to her, but she does it with such a cheerful attitude; she knows she's doing work, but she's doing it for good cause and a bigger reason.  Although I don't like the idea of running as work, I am looking forward to joining her for early morning hill workouts starting next week.  I want to try and work on this running-as-work-mentality because I have a coaching position which starts the first week in May and will need to wear this hat eventually.  I think I have a lot to learn from running with her, especially as I've never done running as volunteer work before and am excited for the challenge.  And hills will make me strong.

Then there are the extremes.  A newish runner-friend of mine is a racehorse.  He is an exceptionally fast runner, is out to do work, to win and to be competitive.  He runs over 100 miles a week and every run must be quality, measurable training and demonstrate results and improvement.  As I explained my 6-marathon, 1-Half Ironman and Team Psycho goal to this racehorse, he shook his head in disbelief and I could see his body mentally cramping.  While I may not be the fastest or best, I run with my heart and I think that is why I'll get there eventually (hopefully!).  I run because I love it, and I prefer to run from within as I've always done than run because of ability.  I would rather love it fiercely and be a little slower and have to forever work on these goals rather than not enjoying it nearly as much, obtain these goals and move on to the next ones.  I gently suggested he should try doing a random marathon in the fall or something after his sub-2:40 Boston goal in a few weeks and leave the Garmin at home, because it's a different type of running.  When I caught myself saying this out loud I realized that I'm a bumblebee. 

Fortunately for me, there are those other runners in my life who are also bumblebees.  My best friend, although small in size, runs with the biggest heart I've ever seen anyone possess.  I'm mildly terrified for my first Ultramarathon in a few weeks, but I know I'll get through it because she'll help and I know it will be because we will be making bad jokes, chattering about random stuff (thus upsetting the racehorses) and laughing all the way as we do in the early May sunshine.  I certainly know that I run my best when I'm at my most carefree moments.  I run my best when I'm not thinking about my mileage or my pace or my breathing; running for therapy just works for me.  Bumblebees run out of sheer enjoyment of it.  We run because it makes us centered, whole, happy, rebooted.  We run because we love it and not necessarily because we simply love the benefits of it - much like the different relationships in our lives.  We maintain them because we love them and not just the benefits of them.  I would prefer to love fiercely and deeply, even if I'm not perfect, even if I'm working on bettering myself and will get there, eventually.  Love, friendships, relationships, sisterhoods and running are not check boxes.  This was an important lesson of which I was reminded with each person I was able to hug and spend time with this past weekend - the non-runners and the runners, the bumblebees and the racehorses.  Suddenly, life feels quite full again; unscheduled, unscripted, sunny and deeply happy despite having some muddy laces and some worn treads.