Up.

This week has been extremely difficult and that's an understatement, because more descriptive words won't even do it justice.  I feel like I haven't been living but have just been floating along instead, going through the motions because I feel like I've had the wind knocked out of me.  I feel like a ghost of myself; I even tried to make myself be invisible to the world in my own breakdown.  Today has been the first day that I've actually left the house in a few days and feeling the fresh air on my face was foreign and the sunshine made me squint.  Needless to say, I haven't been running this week and whatever I have been eating (when I have *been* eating) has not been Paleo.  I've violated my own three noble goals; played hooky on my own desires for self-betterment.

Normally I would get quite upset at this lack of progress, but something is telling me to be easy on myself, to be a little more self-accepting and just feel right now, rather than bury everything under a pile of I'mwaaaaytooobusssyyyytobeconcernedwithanyofthiscrapthankyouverymuch.  Breathe.

Feeling hurts. 

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However, the only way to go is up from here, and of course the silver lining:  I realized this week that I am loved, despite being told that I'm not loved by others.  I realized that I am surrounded by some of the highest quality friends of which I could even dream.  Despite a cold shoulder, my life truly is filled with warmth from the glow of my friends.  I realized that I have friends in people with whom I'd never even guess would care to reach out to me, but did so because they knew I was hurting badly.  I realized that I have a loving family and wonderful neighbors.  I'm happy for my support system, for being caught and hugged and dusted off and made to feel somewhat whole again, even if there is going to be a hole there for awhile. 

Enough about that because I've already spent too much time.  Today, I'll run again.  Just looking out the window today, even though there's an icy chill in the air as there has been in other arenas of my life this week, there's blue sky.  There will be BlueSkyRunning today and my sights set forward again to my own noble goals this weekend.